


The Man Behind the Door

by raerage



Category: Channel Zero (TV)
Genre: Creepypasta, M/M, Other, Self-Acceptance, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-cest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 22:20:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16962549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raerage/pseuds/raerage
Summary: Takes place sometime before the Dream Door series starting point, following my understanding of what we learned about side characters in canon. A practice session becomes a journey of self-reflection and exploration. Very sweet afternoon with a very troubled character. Please enjoy my trash, thank you.





	The Man Behind the Door

“How can you love her if you can't even love yourself?! Look at... you…” Ian stood before his bedroom mirror, rubbing the tears and sweat from his eyes. He felt sick and, moving languishly, headed over to the bed. Tightening his fists, he took a deep breath, and slowly began to breathe at a normal pace. He sat down and loosely held his head in his hands, tracing his jawline to the nape of his neck.

“I'm never going to be what she wants… How could I? She didn't even recognize me.” Ian slowly laid down on his side, crying into his pillow. It was a calm afternoon, with the sound of birds chirping outside the window. Inside lay pieces, fragments of his failure, lifeless and hollow on the floor.

It had been years since he'd questioned his curse, how or why he could create imitations of organic matter. The answer wasn't important anymore. He was beginning to resent his power. “What good is this ability if I can't be with her…? If I could just find some way, but- still… She's so weak. How could she not feel it, yet!? Our connection-” He let a small, breathy laugh press through his lips. “She'd be afraid of me, just like- Mmm-” Ian pressed his knuckle to his brow, willing off another headache. 

“She has it, too. I know if she would just let herself feel it, then she'll understand.” Ian began to sit up, thoughts racing through his mind. “She's the only one that could really understand!” He looked at his palms, tightening his fists, again, eagerly making his way to the mirror. “I-...” He felt a shock pulse through his body. “I'll never be enough. I'm…” He dropped to his knees. “No! I'm s-stronger now…! I have to do this for us. I have to show her we're okay!” Tears steadily cleansed his face as he tried to hold onto composure. His gaze had fallen to the floor… “This power, Jill… it's not… it's a gift.” He raised his eyes, staring himself into the strength he needed to prove himself to her.

His breath became ragged, staring into the mirror. Surrounded by everything he'd made, filled with insecure thoughts and determination, knowing in the darkest depths of his being that she would see him as herself- as he truly saw himself… The lights pulsed as his heart raced, he began shaking and his eyes rolled back just before tipping over, convulsing on the floor, with energy flowing through him.

The desk lamp lit up the room in one final attempt to fulfill its purpose before blowing out. In the remaining soft, natural light shining in through the window, hazily draping over the desk and against two doors, there was a moment of stillness. Ian laid on his back, one hand resting on his chest, head turned in awareness of his new creation. He knew exactly who would be walking through his door, he just didn't know if he was ready to open it.

He sat up, avoiding his own reflection, weakly making his way toward the bed. The sickness in the pit of his belly had subsided. Ian quickly grabbed a tissue to wipe the sweat from his face and blow his nose. He looked at the newly made door before downing a chocolate flavored Muscly Milk ™. He sat there, staring at the door, waiting… Ian turned his focus to the window and the calming light from outside. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, reminding himself that bravery is not without fear. He breathed in, steadily… and exhaled, centering himself before opening his eyes. As he was looking towards the mirror, the door handle suddenly began to turn.

Without hesitation, Ian leaped to grab the handle and hold it still. He struggled against the door, knowing he needed to face his fear. The handle continued to turn violently, as a thuddy bump against the door began, one after another… “stop…. stop!... Okay..! Fine, just- … STOP!!!” as Ian yelled, everything came to a halt. He looked from the plain, white door to his hand, still holding the handle. He couldn't fight back anymore. 

Glancing at the floor, he swiftly turned the handle and opened the dream door. Immediately, he was embraced by a nearly exact clone of himself. Ian felt warm arms around him, his own arms… He took a step back in amazement, instinctively placing his hands around their waist. Realizing he'd held his breath, he began to breathe in the scent of their hair. “Honeycomb and… something else. Maybe pomegranates”, he thought.

The new Ian released their grasp and faced their maker. The two looked identical, save for the weariness Ian carried. The new Ian placed their hand upon his face, which surprised him. He wasn't prepared to experience such… comfort. As a gentle breeze of air flowed in through the window, a soft flash of sunlight seemed to click everything into place. Ian reached his arms further around their waist and snuggled into a tender hug.

They both swayed together in that room, holding each other for the first time. Ian separated enough to look at them, and really admire his work of art. Their eyes were like a responsive reflection. He began to wonder if Jill could ever see the beauty in all his physical details. He traced his hand around their ear, carefully parting their jaw to inspect their teeth, grazing his fingers down their neck and collarbone…

The new Ian leaned in closer to him, watching and waiting for his response, then looked down to the side (almost as though they had lost a bit of hope). Ian was trying to understand how he'd created something with so much realistic, fine details and expressions. He was overwhelmed by his own thoughts while comparing their hands with his own, when he noticed they had seemingly initiated a… _a kiss_? He had been ignoring his initial desire until he saw it reflected in the actions of his dream self.

As if they were of one mind, the new Ian moved slightly closer to him. Ian, still holding one of their hands, placed his other hand behind their neck and moved in, stopping just short of the intended kiss. He tightened the grip of his handhold, nervously and absentmindedly rubbing his fingers on the back of their neck. Without warning or alarm, the new Ian softly kissed the corner of his bottom lip and looked into his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, I wanted to write some good ol' smut. I love this messed up character and I had this fantasy playing out in my mind. Just couldn't shake the idea of this kid **really** loving himself. Ultimately, couldn't decide how I wanted to continue, but I think this ending leaves options for me to finish a second part (possibly) in the future.
> 
> BTW: tagged as ian/jill because it's true to the character and canon story. What I wrote, and if I continue this, is only about Ian. Sorry if that's not what you're here for.
> 
> \- ~ -
> 
> Hope you all liked my trash! Please take care of yourself. Eat well, take your meds, go for a bit of activity, whatever you gotta do for You!
> 
> PS!! - If you haven't seen or caught up on Channel Zero, please check it out. It's a really nice horror show that deserves way more accolades than it receives. This work is based on a character from The Dream Door season. Thanks for reading! ~
> 
> Also, real quick: this was my first self-cest story and I welcome all constructive feedback. Alrighty, have a good one!


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